silence

i am silence.
i don't recall the moment i became so,
all i know is, that like a blanket of snow,
my silence hushes what lives beneath.
My silence feels like cold wind that bursts across reddened cheeks,
pushing against my lips, meeting only with the unyielding resistance of my heated breath.
My lungs press against the force of it just enough to save my words from frozen captivity.
The subtle warmth builds a pocket big enough to hold a whisper, whispered words the wind will carry on it's wings searching for whoever wishes to listen.
once my words escaped my heart the wind returned with vengeful determination, but i only smile, because i know whoever hears me truly wishes to listen.
 

I remember

i remember the day my mother told me why i'm not stupid. i remember the pine tree in the front yard of my childhood. i remember big dolly who used to pretend to be my mother whenever i was afraid. i remember saving a mouse from my cats with my dads rain boots. i remember falling asleep next to the fire place. i remember my daddy dipping two fingers into a glass of water to gently spread across my tear stained eyes. i remember singing karaoke with my siblings when we were too little to say the words right and too happy to care. i remember a party of two watching pooh bear on my best friends twelfth birthday in fuzzy pajamas. i remember tape gum. i remember my sisters bandages. i remember catching butterflies with grocery bags tied to sticks. i remember never keeping my shoes on no matter where i was. i remember breaking my arm. i remember fake nails. i remember my mother holding me in our old green rocking chair. i remember her singing outside my bedroom door, playing her steel string guitar. i remember twinkle, twinkle little star, before bed, and big x if i were lucky. i remember kittens. i remember baby birds. i remember pink, then purple, then green, then yellow, then white. i remember begging to take a wounded salamander home. i remember my sister guessing my first crush with a paper fortune teller. i remember yelling through the air vent to see if it was time to open presents yet. i remember the firs time i punched a wall, it was an accident... i remember leaving carrots for the Easter bunny. i remember wondering why it didn't hurt. i remember the first time i road a motorcycle. i remember falling on my face in the snow at recess. i remember the first time i made a choice for myself. i remember the first time i went to the temple. i remember hiding under my bed to hide the tears I wanted to wipe away. i remember staring at Christmas lights for longer than i should have. i remember light filtering through bright green leaves. i remember tears i couldn't stop because i was so happy. i remember my twelfth birthday. i remember that evil turkey who bit my finger. i remember the first, and last, time i bit ever my dad's finger. i remember my first date. i remember the seven years. i remember dreaming of him. i still dream of him. i remember clutching a book to my chest with a sigh as i always do when i read books. i remember the that first fight my best friend and i ever had was over nail polish. i remember so much...so much i never want to forget.